I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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