5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
