Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
