I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Farmville is her only friend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
