Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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