I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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