Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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