I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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