Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize