who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
