I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sext me about skeletons
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
