I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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