Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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