Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
