there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
