Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
