You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
