beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
