final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
