it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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