Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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