having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
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If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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