He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
