So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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