i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
