Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
