Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
