I must be too annoying 4 u.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
