I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize