1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
