What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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