Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
