Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
