xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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