So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
