I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
