I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
