i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
