Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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