just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
