Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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