Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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