people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
