i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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