I heard we made out
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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