i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
