On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
