it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
