The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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