Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
