i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Michael Bay diarrhea
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
