Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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