Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize