we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
