you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
