There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
