totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
