Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
