Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
