I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
