I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
