Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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